What I Learned Planning A Wedding

As a wedding photographer, I thought I had a pretty good grasp on the things that were important to couples and their photos on a wedding day: a combo of candids and traditional portraits, a little piece of each part of the day throughout their gallery, capturing the first kiss, the speeches, and first dances.

Don't get me wrong, these are all critically important. But on my wedding day last weekend, and in the year and a half leading up to it, I learned a hell of a lot about all the other things running through your head as a nearly wed, and the things that turn out to be the most important to the experience. I'm by no means an expert, but in case I can help one other person drowning in spreadsheets, saved TikToks, and to-do lists from worrying about how to set themselves up for the best day and the best photos, I thought I'd share some learnings here.

Pick Your Hills To Die On

Yes, that's plural hills...but just a few. Letting go of any musts can go a long way in removing anxiety or frustration in the process. For me, my hills were my outfit and my photographer (duh).

I've photographed people who didn't feel amazing in what they were wearing and as a result, the first thing they look at when they open up their gallery isn't the joy on their faces or the people they're with, it's how they look in their outfit. I've been there roughly 2,232,591,102 times myself, so I knew that not compromising on the outfit would go a long way for me.

When it came to finding a photographer, I found I was uh...a little picky, to say the least. I scrolled Instagram and Google and local wedding Facebook groups for hours. Ultimately, finding the right photographer boiled down to finding someone whose editing style I loved, whose galleries captured the energy I wanted for my day, and who I clicked with on the phone consultation. Luckily, I found someone amazing (shout out MTD Photo Co). While we chose to nail down the full package all at once, scheduling just an engagement session so you can meet the photographer and get a feel for working with them before booking the whole enchilada can also be a great idea!

If I had approached every detail with the same level of scrutiny that I did these two, I would have either gone way, way, way over budget, or been dissatisfied with every decision, despite them being more than fine!

Get The Coordinator

It's worth it. It's more than worth it. If you can find a way to make it work within your budget, I can't recommend this highly enough. I'm partial to Olivia Lauren Events (lucky you, they travel!), but find someone who knows their stuff and clicks with you. With a great coordinator, not only can you access advice and resources from someone who knows the ins and outs of wedding days, but you can also offload a great deal of stress; they will be your guide, your advocate, and your brain on a day when adrenaline and nerves are sure to have you feeling a little scattered.

For us, the rain kept us all on our toes. Our coordinator Savannah knew how much we loved the outside of the venue, and worked with our families and the venue to make a plan that could have us getting married outside under clear umbrellas, with guests seated under a covered porch (miraculously, and probably because of the 3 bottles of gin we buried that morning, the rain stopped about 5 minutes before we walked down the aisle). She kept us calm when guests ran late, had food for us during cocktail hour, and had drinks in our hands the second we got down the aisle. She worked with our vendors to keep the timeline on track, without us ever having to worry or corral people ourselves. Your vendors will thank you, your family will thank you, YOU will thank you. Get the coordinator.

Remember, Everybody is Not Having a TikTok Wedding

The algorithm really had a chokehold on me leading up to this wedding...it seemed like every video was some DIY seating chart or unique tablescape more elaborate than the last. And so it became a constant battle of wanting to be unique and creative and memorable versus reminding myself that of the many, many weddings I have been to, there is not one that I can remember the consistency of font and precise color coordination of signage, or the seating chart, or the kind of candle sticks they had. The reality is, those things make it into a handful of detail shots but truly are mostly functional, telling people where they need to go and indicating that hey, this table is not completely bare and empty.

This was really tough to really embrace. And to be honest, we didn't succeed completely. Our seating chart was a hill my wife did want to die on...we made our way to Home Depot and got the big piece of plywood and painted it to our color scheme and built a stand. Our plan was to write personal notes to each party with their table number. But as the wedding drew closer and we realized what an undertaking writing those notes would be, we knew we had to give in to save our sanity. Eventually we ordered some wildflower seeds in bulk, painted "Find Your Seed" on the board, and labeled and stuffed envelopes with the seed packets. Still probably way more elaborate than was necessary. And you know what? I didn't even see that pain-in-the-@$$ seating chart that night. And the only person who has mentioned anything about it is my mom. It ended up being cute and our amazing coordinator helped us get it set up in the final hour, but if I could go back and save myself the stress, I probably would have just printed names and tables, glued them on a mirror or something, and called it a day. People aren't looking at that stuff. They're looking at you, your love, and your joy!

It's the People

And that's just it...at the end of the day, nobody is there taking notes on every detail. Nobody is secretly whispering "OMG can you believe they went with this shade of green?". They aren't. They're there for YOU. The best day and the best photos are made from great energy. From you and your boo smiling and dancing and embracing your people. From families uniting. From people bringing their excitement to the dance floor. Wondering how to get the best wedding photos, or have the most memorable wedding? Set that vibe, and you won't be disappointed.

Photo by Maria Davis, MTD Photo Co.